Diesel

May 26, 2014 at 7:11 am | Posted in Benefits, Hearing, Senses, Treatment | Leave a comment
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71 Med

Behold your superpower!

Next time you’re having a bad day, keep an eye out for Mercedes cars.

From up to 50 metres away, your keen hearing will come to the fore.

As you approach each car from the front, you’ll discern by the engine’s more guttural timbre whether it’s diesel-powered.

As you pass the car, you’ll know beyond doubt that it’s rear end will sport a D or DIESEL in raised, chrome-plated letters.

When you see this sign of your small superpower, you’ll feel a bit better.

Not much better, but anything is better on a bad day.

Brought to you by The Feisty Empire.

 

Transference

March 5, 2014 at 8:55 am | Posted in Animals, Family, Mind | 2 Comments
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The puppy as a child.

The puppy as a child.

If childless, you should have more success than most deriving faux-parenting experiences from non-infants.

This will likely be due to your vivid imagination and strong ability to anthropomorphize.

The flip side of ‘making do’ with substitute offspring is that when your pet does die, your heart will shatter with grief.

Yet it’ll probably be worth it.

Brought to you by The Feisty Empire.

Autobiography

December 29, 2013 at 7:20 am | Posted in 1, Interests, Treatment | 2 Comments
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An introduction to Paul Hassing's autobiography

Take the plunge!

If you’ve enjoyed this blog, you may also like my newest project.

It’s an autobiography, whose style you’ll find familiar.

I warmly welcome your visit and comments.

:)

Brought to you by The Feisty Empire.

Biplane

April 10, 2013 at 5:32 am | Posted in 1, Benefits, Family, Recreation, Senses, Treatment | 4 Comments
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Biplane start

Unforgettable.

A fabulous gift for an aspie is a biplane flight.

Strapped snugly in the cockpit, with the pilot behind, you see the airstrip beckon.

When the engine fires, you feel every rod and tappet clanking away.

Takeoff is breathtakingly swift.

Once you’re aloft, the strut wires zing as the tiny craft surfs every zephyr.

But you don’t feel afraid.

The plane is over 90 years old. Statistically, if it were going to crash, it would’ve done so already.

Though linked to the pilot by headphones, the wind and noise dissuade chit-chat – freeing you to savour the journey alone.

As you gaze down at your past – mapped out in homes, schools, offices and parks – you may feel brief respite from life’s struggle.

And on your reluctant return to earth, you’ll very likely feel blessed that someone cared enough to grant you such a wonderful adventure.

:)

Brought to you by The Feisty Empire.

Bread

March 28, 2013 at 7:18 am | Posted in Humour, Senses, Society, Taste | 2 Comments
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I posted this piece in my business blog, but some say it has the hallmarks of an aspie post. 

Have a read, see what you think, and let me know!

More than one is a miracle.

More than one is a miracle.

Bread: plain, simple, honest … daily – yes?

No.

I’ve had a bewildering range of bread ‘experiences’.

I suspect they hold lessons on dining, business and life. Yet I can’t find a unifying theory.

If table my data, will you help me use my loaf?

The Stick

Some venues emphasise ‘stick’ over ‘bread’. Pale wands that laugh at butter and look like they’re from 1970. Bitten, they explode into a silica that absorbs moisture and glues teeth.

The Shard

This seed-studded sliver has an elastic centre that hints at dough. The impression shatters as the crust cuts in.

The Shard often comes with a saucer of olive oil that appears to have escaped from a truck gearbox. A request for butter triggers disbelief, derision and deteriorating service.

The Slice

A cornerstone of Australian pub culture, The Slice is white, single and preconceived.

Common to every meal, it mirrors its environment: brown for gravy, crimson for beetroot, yellow for cheese sauce.

Requests for seconds (or olive oil) are met with stares, swears or beatings according to age and gender.

The Solo

Native to wedding receptions, this pleasant item (pictured above) is strictly rationed to guest numbers. This is odd, given its low cost and the margins needed to cover skewed main orders.

Waiters may pretend to revisit the kitchen, but the answer’s always no.

Only via a generous partner or a no-show guest (within arm’s reach) can you win a dual. Then you must fight for another swipe at the communal butter dish.

The Multi

Favoured by family bistros, this dramatic variation of The Solo is ‘multi’ in every way.

Grain and wholemeal triple choice. A big basket lets you plunder with impunity. Cascades of butter patties complete the cornucopia.

Rare venues take The Multi even further, baking their bread, whipping their butter and presenting armloads of both at the slightest provocation.

This is the ultimate bread experience.

The Twist

This cruel subterfuge usually reveals once you’ve ordered. On asking for bread, you’re offered a dripping garlic roll, a trio of dips with pita or a home-baked Turkish loaf (with olive oil).

Stiff prices apply. No reductions or variations are permitted. Any request for dish components triggers ejection.

Trends

  1. The more a meal costs, the less bread you get.
  2. The more ‘modern’ a venue, the greater the olive oil risk.

Questions

  1. Why is it so hard to get a satisfying amount of bread and butter when dining out?
  2. Do venues ration bread to make diners spend more?
  3. Do other sectors use similar practices?
  4. What is this olive oil crap?

I now totally get why the loaves and fishes was a big deal.

I knead your help with the rest!

:)

Brought to you by The Feisty Empire

Question

January 19, 2013 at 10:17 am | Posted in 1, Animals, Mind, People, Sight, Society | 6 Comments
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P1020511 Plane Truth Small

When conversing, keep your feet on the ground.

In certain conditions, your (usually unloved) penchant for penetrating questions may find favour in the world.

For instance, if you land in a regional airport and are confronted by a sniffer dog, there’s a good chance your fellow travellers will hurry past its handler.

You, of course, will be entranced by the beast.

If its handler feels bored, jaded, undervalued or just plain lonely amid careless crowds, you might just make her day.

Start small, by asking what her dog is trained to detect.

Then ask how long training takes.

Express amazement that the pooch can master so much in just 10-12 weeks.

Bookend your interview by asking (roughly) how long the dog’s career will last.

Then ask if, after a decade or so, the handler will have the option to keep the dog.

Observe her interaction with the animal.

If she loves it, even you should be able to perceive this.

The dog, unused to his handler receiving such attention, will fix you with a stare that penetrates far better than the X-ray machine behind you.

This is OK, because you have nothing to hide.

And, unlike humans, dogs and horses have no agenda.

So, for once, you can enjoy staring right back.

And then it’s time to leave.

Under NO circumstances should you go on to ask questions like:

  • When do you think your dog will die?
  • How will you feel when your dog dies?
  • How long will it take you to grieve?
  • Will you get another dog?
  • Will it feel the same?
  • What if it doesn’t?

While you may find these questions perfectly reasonable, most ‘normal’ people will NOT.

By breaking off an interview – even when you’re having fun – you stop it going bad.

Easier said than done, perhaps; but you can learn that less really is

more.

:)

Brought to you by The Feisty Empire.

Xmas

December 26, 2012 at 7:23 am | Posted in Family, People, Society, Treatment | 9 Comments
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Graham Christmas Small

A time to take special care of yourself.

Xmas (Christmas) can be very tricky.

If you have no (or another) religion,

or can’t/don’t/won’t have kids,

or don’t believe in Santa,

or don’t like socialising,

or don’t wish to clutter your home with needless purchases,

there are few (if any) reasons to celebrate.

You may therefore feel your otherness particularly keenly at this time.

If you have a non-aspie partner, this will likely hit them pretty hard.

So it’s important to take extra care of yourselves and each other.

This may involve bolting the door and bunkering down until it’s all over.

A more positive use of ‘downtime’ is to go where others aren’t (e.g. a golf course at dawn on xmas morning).

If you have pets, make the most of them.

For they accept you, even if you are a ‘freak‘.

:|

Brought to you by The Feisty Empire.

Seat

December 7, 2012 at 3:00 pm | Posted in 1, Compulsions, Humour, Mind, People, Sight, Society, Threats | 10 Comments
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Chairs Small

NOT as easy as it seems.

Few would comprehend (or believe) the lightning thinking that precedes your choice of chair.

You enter a waiting room (itself a feat).

First priority is safety.

Check the corners. Does one offer a view of the entrance through which your appointment will appear?

If so, can you also see outside (to avoid eye contact, pass the time and spot long-range threats)?

Corners mean you need monitor only 90 degrees for danger.

Walls, therefore, run a very poor second.

The centre, naturally, is right out.

But position isn’t everything.

Check the seating. Is it solo?

If it’s a two-seater couch, you may be able to thwart later arrivals with your bag and coat. (This also applies to pairs of chairs.)

If it’s a three-seater (or more) you may have unwelcome company.

What sort of couch is it?

If it’s too soft, slippery and/or deep, you may have trouble rising quickly to meet any threat.

Better a firm, high one with good back support.

But even the ideal chair in the perfect corner can come unstuck.

Is it near a radio speaker (perhaps blaring a chaotic commercial station)? The cacophony will erode your (frail) composure.

Is it next to a water cooler, rubbish bin, pamphlet stand, children’s play area or stack of filthy, outdated magazines?

If so, people (at worst, infants) may launch themselves at you from all quarters without warning.

Waiting rooms are so hideous, it’s best to be the first appointment of the day.

Though this carries its own peril if your appointment still contrives to be late.

The silver line to this stormy cloud concerns your partner.

If, after some time together, your covivant can scan a space with 80 chairs and point to the exact one you’d pick,

you’ll know it’s true love.

Marry them without delay.

:)

Brought to you by The Feisty Empire.

Earth

December 6, 2012 at 8:52 am | Posted in Body, Mind, Nature, Recreation, Senses, Touch, Treatment | 6 Comments
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Splendour in the Grass Small

Step into your (new) comfort zone!

Chances are you live in your head far more than your body.

While a rich mental life offers entertaining discourse with superior company, you can have too much of a good thing.

At the most practical level, your body is a life-support system for your brain.

Serving the latter to the detriment of the former ultimately compromises both.

So, while hobbies, alcohol, medication and literature may seem preferred paths to contentment, beware false readings from a selfish organ that knows exactly what you’re thinking.

Though all impulses may screech to the contrary, it’s vital to shift your corporeal form.

The trick is to find a (probably solo) exercise you enjoy.

Swimming is ideal, but unsuited to warmer months.

Walking is a good year-round alternative.

If you can find a large grassed oval that’s deserted at inconvenient times, you’re in for a treat.

At first, the prospect of circling with nothing but your protesting mind may daunt.

To ease yourself in, try downloading fascinating documentaries to an iPod or some such.

Acquiring facts is a great way to silence your inner voice.

Once you’re in the swing, take the next step.

Take off your runners and walk barefoot.

At once, the 2D green disc you’ve been traipsing will become a 3D sensory adventure.

Suddenly, you’ll detect every nuance of the turf.

After rain, you’ll feel the little mounds worms made overnight.

When the sprinklers are on, you’ll slosh through puddles and streams.

When it’s dry, you’ll scale tiny sand dunes.

Soon you’ll realise the oval has a camber to aid drainage.

And that a barely perceptible tilt creates a particularly lush spot.

Each time you pass through this, the grass will remind you that, while still an etherial being, you’re definitely of this Earth.

Literally and metaphorically rooting yourself in the real world is an ideal counter to a busy brain.

And the fitness you gain will keep the relationship healthy.

If you’re lucky enough to live by the sea, the benefits of walking barefoot increase a thousandfold.

So close that book, put down that bottle, turn off that screen and

GO!

:)

Brought to you by The Feisty Empire.

Introvert

November 15, 2012 at 10:37 am | Posted in Benefits, Interests, People | 6 Comments
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Out there.

Being introverted doesn’t mean you can’t act like an extrovert now and then (in fact, it comes with the territory).

If you have a valid message and a means by which to convey it, audiences should warm to you.

And their endorsement may suffice until you can generate your own.

To learn more, watch Susan Cain’s The power of introverts.

:)

Brought to you by The Feisty Empire.

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