Finger bun

September 4, 2017 at 9:05 am | Posted in 1, Compulsions, Humour, Sight | 2 Comments
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Cl06fNWVAAAKvYE.jpg large

 

The proprietress has made a stout effort,

 

but several items appear recalcitrant.

 

Pic by Warren Kirk.

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Leaf

June 15, 2015 at 12:46 pm | Posted in Diagnosis, Family, Mind, Nature, Senses, Sight, Touch | 6 Comments
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Touch one, touch all.

At age three, you or your child may be told to put 50 fallen liquidambar leaves in a bucket.

Sounds fair: kids should help around the home.

50 ain’t many.

It’s a fine day.

Parents are near.

So why the crying?

The liquidambar leaf shape is relatively complex.

Worse, it can take infinite autumnal hues.

To an aspie toddler, a sole leaf may look challenging enough.

Mixed with other leaves, it becomes even more complicated – with endless permutations.

Focused on one leaf, the other 49 seem legion; the work highly daunting.

With more leaves falling on already cleared ground, the task appears impossible.

Too many simultaneous data overload the brain – triggering stress and threatening shutdown.

Mother can’t fathom the problem.

Nor can father, who becomes irate.

Yet the ‘brat’ before him isn’t ‘spoilt’, ‘stupid’, ‘disobedient’, ‘wilful’ or ‘lazy’.

Merely showing an early sign of what may take decades to identify and address.

It’s therefore advisable to try the ‘teaspoon test‘ before things turn ugly.

Doing so will likely save all parties time,

effort and

tears.

Brought to you by The Feisty Empire.

Pic by The Marmot.


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Your smallest kindness will keep me going strong. With many thanks, Paul.


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Gym

May 24, 2015 at 8:23 am | Posted in Body, School, Touch, Treatment | 4 Comments
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Much more fun than it looks.

Poor coordination, low self esteem, lack of team spirit and/or a preference for academic pursuits may make school gymnasium time dispiriting and uncomfortable.

There may be one activity, however, that you do enjoy.

If the gym has large, thick, heavy exercise (tumble) mats, your class may play the unofficial (and sometimes banned) game of ‘stacks on the mill‘ – or whatever it’s called in your world.

Basically, a few students lie on the first mat, while the other mats are piled on top.

The students outside the pile then jump on top of it and bounce up and down – theoretically trying to crush their colleagues to death, but in the knowledge that the ‘give’ in the first mat makes this (unfortunately) impossible.

You may find you much prefer to be a ‘crushee’, rather than a crusher.

In fact, you may well be able to withstand more weight, and for longer, than any other child.

This may result in you ending up alone beneath all but one of the mats, and all but one of your class.

To enhance your splendid isolation, you may even wriggle to the centre of the pile while chaos reigns above.

There you can relax in warm, dark, comfortable solitude.

Until the gym teacher comes along to ruin the only good thing about your physical education class.

Decades later, you may learn that Temple Grandin recognised the value of non-human ‘hugs’ and actually created a ‘hug machine‘ (or hug box) to this effect.

While you may not feel the need to install one of these in your lounge room, it will be satisfying to realise why you loved to be last on the first mat all those years ago.

Brought to you by The Feisty Empire.

 

Commission

April 13, 2015 at 9:50 am | Posted in Treatment | 4 Comments
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Bring out the biggest gun.

If you’re young, your otherness may make you an easy target for paedophiles.

If you’re unlucky enough to fall victim, the road to recovery may be twisted and long.

Medication, alcohol, therapy, creative writing – all may fail to heal (or even mask) your pain.

That’s where a Royal Commission comes in handy.

Vast, inexorable and insanely powerful, mere mention of this crushing juggernaut turns kiddy fiddler blood to ice.

Once you give evidence to an actual commissioner, your case is referred to a nice policeman who turns every stone to bring your attacker to justice.

The process is exhaustive and exhausting.

Black leaves from your lake bed cloud your days anew.

But it’s not as bad as living with trauma unabated.

And one fine day, acknowledgement, apology and even reparation may be yours.


 

Brought to you by The Feisty Empire.

Imagine

March 25, 2015 at 2:31 pm | Posted in Benefits, Interests, Mind, Recreation, Senses, Sight, Treatment | 4 Comments
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A very, very exciting day!

A very, very exciting day!

Do you wonder what aspie fiction is like?

This collection of 19 short stories may give you an idea.

There's your book; now ... buy it!

There’s your book; now … buy it!

It took 20 years to create.

That should make it 200% better than Catch 22.

You can determine if this is true by buying Imagine Day.

To do so, go here or email paul@thefeistyempire.com to request a personalised message.

This first edition, strictly limited to just 200 copies, will be the only one featuring dedications written with my Magic Red Pen.

Regular readers of this blog will know I don’t flog stuff.

So this book must be rather special.

How frightfully exciting!

🙂

Brought to you by The Feisty Empire.

Diesel

May 26, 2014 at 7:11 am | Posted in Benefits, Hearing, Senses, Treatment | Leave a comment
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71 Med

Behold your superpower!

Next time you’re having a bad day, keep an eye out for Mercedes cars.

From up to 50 metres away, your keen hearing will come to the fore.

As you approach each car from the front, you’ll discern by the engine’s more guttural timbre whether it’s diesel-powered.

As you pass the car, you’ll know beyond doubt that it’s rear end will sport a D or DIESEL in raised, chrome-plated letters.

When you see this sign of your small superpower, you’ll feel a bit better.

Not much better, but anything is better on a bad day.

Brought to you by The Feisty Empire.

 

Transference

March 5, 2014 at 8:55 am | Posted in Animals, Family, Mind | 4 Comments
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The puppy as a child.

The puppy as a child.

If childless, you should have more success than most deriving faux-parenting experiences from non-infants.

This will likely be due to your vivid imagination and strong ability to anthropomorphize.

The flip side of ‘making do’ with substitute offspring is that when your pet does die, your heart will shatter with grief.

Yet it’ll probably be worth it.


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Even a buck or three will keep me in the hunt. With many thanks, Paul.


Autobiography

December 29, 2013 at 7:20 am | Posted in 1, Interests, Treatment | 2 Comments
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An introduction to Paul Hassing's autobiography

Take the plunge!

If you’ve enjoyed this blog, you may also like my newest project.

It’s an autobiography, whose style you’ll find familiar.

I warmly welcome your visit and comments.

🙂

Brought to you by The Feisty Empire.

Biplane

April 10, 2013 at 5:32 am | Posted in 1, Benefits, Family, Recreation, Senses, Treatment | 4 Comments
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Biplane start

Unforgettable.

A fabulous gift for an aspie is a biplane flight.

Strapped snugly in the cockpit, with the pilot behind, you see the airstrip beckon.

When the engine fires, you feel every rod and tappet clanking away.

Takeoff is breathtakingly swift.

Once you’re aloft, the strut wires zing as the tiny craft surfs every zephyr.

But you don’t feel afraid.

The plane is over 90 years old. Statistically, if it were going to crash, it would’ve done so already.

Though linked to the pilot by headphones, the wind and noise dissuade chit-chat – freeing you to savour the journey alone.

As you gaze down at your past – mapped out in homes, schools, offices and parks – you may feel brief respite from life’s struggle.

And on your reluctant return to earth, you’ll very likely feel blessed that someone cared enough to grant you such a wonderful adventure.

🙂

Brought to you by The Feisty Empire.

Bread

March 28, 2013 at 7:18 am | Posted in Humour, Senses, Society, Taste | 2 Comments
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I posted this piece in my business blog, but some say it has the hallmarks of an aspie post. 

Have a read, see what you think, and let me know!

More than one is a miracle.

More than one is a miracle.

Bread: plain, simple, honest … daily – yes?

No.

I’ve had a bewildering range of bread ‘experiences’.

I suspect they hold lessons on dining, business and life. Yet I can’t find a unifying theory.

If table my data, will you help me use my loaf?

The Stick

Some venues emphasise ‘stick’ over ‘bread’. Pale wands that laugh at butter and look like they’re from 1970. Bitten, they explode into a silica that absorbs moisture and glues teeth.

The Shard

This seed-studded sliver has an elastic centre that hints at dough. The impression shatters as the crust cuts in.

The Shard often comes with a saucer of olive oil that appears to have escaped from a truck gearbox. A request for butter triggers disbelief, derision and deteriorating service.

The Slice

A cornerstone of Australian pub culture, The Slice is white, single and preconceived.

Common to every meal, it mirrors its environment: brown for gravy, crimson for beetroot, yellow for cheese sauce.

Requests for seconds (or olive oil) are met with stares, swears or beatings according to age and gender.

The Solo

Native to wedding receptions, this pleasant item (pictured above) is strictly rationed to guest numbers. This is odd, given its low cost and the margins needed to cover skewed main orders.

Waiters may pretend to revisit the kitchen, but the answer’s always no.

Only via a generous partner or a no-show guest (within arm’s reach) can you win a dual. Then you must fight for another swipe at the communal butter dish.

The Multi

Favoured by family bistros, this dramatic variation of The Solo is ‘multi’ in every way.

Grain and wholemeal triple choice. A big basket lets you plunder with impunity. Cascades of butter patties complete the cornucopia.

Rare venues take The Multi even further, baking their bread, whipping their butter and presenting armloads of both at the slightest provocation.

This is the ultimate bread experience.

The Twist

This cruel subterfuge usually reveals once you’ve ordered. On asking for bread, you’re offered a dripping garlic roll, a trio of dips with pita or a home-baked Turkish loaf (with olive oil).

Stiff prices apply. No reductions or variations are permitted. Any request for dish components triggers ejection.

Trends

  1. The more a meal costs, the less bread you get.
  2. The more ‘modern’ a venue, the greater the olive oil risk.

Questions

  1. Why is it so hard to get a satisfying amount of bread and butter when dining out?
  2. Do venues ration bread to make diners spend more?
  3. Do other sectors use similar practices?
  4. What is this olive oil crap?

I now totally get why the loaves and fishes was a big deal.

I knead your help with the rest!

:)

Brought to you by The Feisty Empire

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