Door

July 23, 2009 at 2:34 pm | Posted in Body, Compulsions, Mind, People, Threats, Treatment | 2 Comments
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If the pain in your brain becomes unbearable, you may wish to head-butt a door.

Even as you contemplate this mad act in extremis, a small part of you may consider self preservation.

As solid doors offer no safety margin to the properly motivated, hollow-core doors are a wise alternative.

Easily identified by their lighter heft (and usually found between rooms, rather than at front or back entries) these composite doors comprise a honeycombed cardboard filling sandwiched by plywood sheets.

With sufficient speed and force, your forehead will smash the plywood, but be ‘cushioned’ by the cardboard.

The blow to your brain should be enough to disrupt your negative thought spiral without causing permanent damage.

Cuts and splinters, especially if bloody, will give you something else to think about. Tending your wounds and contemplating the door’s repair may also help bring you back to normality.

Bruising, however, can put you straight back on the path of self hatred and keep you there for days – completely negating the exercise.

If you live in a rental property, you’ll need to make good the damage. Plaster is excellent for patching doors, though it must be carefully sanded and painted to escape detection.

Naturally, this crude circuit breaker should be avoided wherever possible. If, however, the urge to hurt yourself becomes overpowering, you can at least minimise the harm by choosing your target.

Like hurling objects and punching windows, headbutting doors alerts all within earshot.

Attention gained by these methods, however, is seldom welcome or helpful.

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2 Comments »

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  1. This very vivid recollection of such an event can only come from someone who knows. I don’t like that you felt the only way to stop all the negative thoughts consuming you into what has obviously been a madness, was to put your head through a door, but I do understand.

    Your turmoil makes me sad.

    Might I suggest one favor from you? Hang pillows on all your doors. 🙂

  2. Thank you for visiting, reading and commenting. Fortunately, this hasn’t happened for many years and I have much better coping mechanisms now.

    Your empathy is very kind. Rest assured that I’m on the improve (thanks, largely, to this blog). My psychologist has agreed to write something soon, so that will provide a good indicator of my progress.

    Good suggestion, by the way! Thanks again for your compassion. AS. 🙂


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