Diesel

May 26, 2014 at 7:11 am | Posted in Benefits, Hearing, Senses, Treatment | Leave a comment
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71 Med

Behold your superpower!

Next time you’re having a bad day, keep an eye out for Mercedes cars.

From up to 50 metres away, your keen hearing will come to the fore.

As you approach each car from the front, you’ll discern by the engine’s more guttural timbre whether it’s diesel-powered.

As you pass the car, you’ll know beyond doubt that it’s rear end will sport a D or DIESEL in raised, chrome-plated letters.

When you see this sign of your small superpower, you’ll feel a bit better.

Not much better, but anything is better on a bad day.

Brought to you by The Feisty Empire.

 

Drive

October 30, 2012 at 7:04 am | Posted in 1, Benefits, Body, Hearing, Recreation, Senses, Touch | 10 Comments
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Learn one; master all!

If someone teaches you to drive, they may be astonished at how swiftly and well you pick it up.

This will likely be due to two factors.

First, you’re probably dying to master an enclosed, personal, movable space that protects you while giving you a means of independence and escape.

Second, and perhaps more encouragingly, your superior sensitivity will alert you to the training vehicle’s every nuance.

The moment you slide into the driver’s seat, your senses will start reaching to every part of the machine – like ganglia.

If you crunch the gears, you’ll shudder in sympathy and note the warning signs for next time.

If you hit a curb when turning, you’ll know by sound and feel whether it was the rubber tyre, the plastic hubcap and/or the metal rim of the wheel.

Early pilots called this ‘flying by the seat of your pants’ – because they literally felt many aspects of the aircraft through their seat.

You’ll take this principle even further.

After a while, your perception will extend beyond the car.

Since you’re well used to keeping your distance from people, you’ll have a valuable asset when it comes to reverse parking.

Onlookers will marvel as you knock the training sticks and bricks over once or twice, but never again.

Once you learn to drive one car, you can learn to drive any vehicle (see photographic evidence above).

It’s a bit like The Matrix movie, in which Trinity downloads the software to fly a helicopter.

But it’s better than that, because the software is already in you.

In fact, it is you.

On the road, because you obey rules and are careful, your dealings with police should be minimal.

In summary, learning to drive could be one of the most empowering and enjoyable things you ever do.

🙂

Brought to you by The Feisty Empire.

Plane

December 20, 2009 at 10:22 am | Posted in Hearing, Interests, Mind, People, Senses | 2 Comments
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On a lazy Sunday morning, this plane may keep you guessing.

Your aspie superpowers may manifest at the most unexpected times and in the strangest ways.

There may come a Sunday morning when you stroll outside for a stretch.

Immediately you’ll notice that something is out of the ordinary.

You’ll hear the drone of an airplane, but something about it won’t be quite right.

You’ll know it’s not the local DC-3 tourist plane, for that aircraft has engines which don’t match today’s modern sounds.

You’ll know it’s not the local Tiger Moth joy rider, for that has one tiny engine. Completely different.

For a moment, you may think it’s the contemporary Cessna Somethingorother that does the traffic report each weekday morning.

The sound is similar, but not the same.

Unable to pick what it is, you’ll prowl your backyard for the best vantage point, your ears tracking the signal and helping you orient your sight.

Then, when you do finally see it, it’ll all make sense.

It’ll be a Cessna, but a push-prop variety. The sort they used in the Vietnam War as artillery spotter planes. (You can see one of these in Apocalypse Now.)

At that moment, you’ll realise you have a special gift.

If only it were commercially marketable!

Filled with a feeling of satisfaction, you’ll go inside and report to your partner. If they love you (as they almost certainly will – otherwise they wouldn’t still be around) they’ll congratulate you on your strange, tiny, economically worthless superpower.

Notwithstanding all the above, you’ll know in your heart that if you lined up all the residents in your street and played them recordings of the pleasure, traffic and spotter planes, they wouldn’t be able to pick the difference to save their lives.

So be content with that.

🙂

Brought to you by The Feisty Empire.

Fly

November 27, 2009 at 10:47 am | Posted in Animals, Compulsions, Hearing, Mind, Nature, Senses, Sight | 4 Comments
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Quite frightening, close up.

A single blow-fly can trigger a surprising variety of strong emotions.

If you see it struggling in a pool of water, you may feel compassion and rescue it with a stick.

If it follows you inside, you may feel agitation that your home and concentration have been compromised.

If your concerted efforts to oust it without harming it fail, you may feel frustration.

If you spray it with poison, your brief flutter of satisfaction may turn to sorrow as it starts to die.

If it takes a long time to die, in paroxysms of agony, writhing and reaching for life with its every appendage grossly extended, you may feel remorse.

If you put it out of its misery by crushing it between two sheets of paper, you may be shocked and surprised by the colour and quantity of its blood, brains and entrails.

If it leaves behind a clutch of wriggling baby maggots, your final emotion may be revulsion.

Is this just an Aspie thing, or does everyone experience such a cavalcade of emotions when dealing with a damn fly?!

😐

Brought to you by The Feisty Empire.

Snow

October 18, 2009 at 11:57 am | Posted in Animals, Benefits, Hearing, Interests, Mind, Nature, Recreation, Sight, Touch | Leave a comment
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Miffy in the Snow Small

Snow is very … cool.

You will like snow.

First, it acts like a remote control on the earth. Freezing motion and muting sound.

A forest under heavy snow on a calm, sunny day is a paragon of peace, order and stillness. The quietude will be like a balm on your so-often-hectic brain.

Any event that occurs on this backdrop will be super real. Like the girl in the red dress in The Matrix. Or the device advertising agencies use to colour the ‘hero’ product against a monochrome background.

If you’re lucky enough to see a bird hopping among the silent branches, you’ll delight in watching it at leisure while the rest of the world is stopped in time.

Second, snow is a mechanism for precisely translating movement into sound and energy into form.

When you step into a drift, the crunching snow records the speed and trajectory of your foot. And the imprint reveals exactly how much force you put into your step.

This is like seeing words as pictures, or (perhaps) numbers as forms.

It’s very satisfying and great fun.

🙂

Brought to you by The Feisty Empire.

Voice

August 4, 2009 at 11:43 am | Posted in Family, Hearing, Mind, People, Society | 2 Comments
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Very. Hard. Work.

When watching a social event, you can tune in to any number of conversations, provided you do so singly.

As soon as you’re following one thread, any auditory stimulus directed at you (e.g. a question from another quarter) crosses your wires.

This can even happen at a small table, with just four people.

You can focus perfectly on one thing, but not at all on two.

This is why you turn off the radio when writing, searching for street numbers or reverse parking.

As you’re genuinely interested in what people have to say, you may wonder why they don’t take turns to speak – so everyone gets a ‘go’ and nothing’s missed.

Instead, they all want to talk at once, often over each other, invariably using each other’s stories merely as a point of departure for their own.

And even if you tap your glass with a knife, call for silence, describe your difficulty and request order, it seems the nature of conversation is to revert swiftly to chaos.

Especially with families.

Incredibly, some people even have a television on while chatting with guests.

If your imprecations fall on deaf ears, you may be best advised to ‘unjam’ yourself by taking a short walk somewhere quiet.

😐

Brought to you by The Feisty Empire.

Birdsong

June 26, 2009 at 4:10 pm | Posted in Animals, Benefits, Hearing, Nature, Senses | Leave a comment
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Are you talking to me?

On a blue spring day, when the birds are going nuts, you’ll have no trouble interpreting the cacophony.

While others simply hear ‘birds’, you’ll discern a dozen or more different species and their songs.

It’s as if your mind has 12 channels, instead of one.

Luxuriate in this power to tune in to different ‘tracks’. It’s nature’s way of saying how special you are.

🙂

Paintball

June 17, 2009 at 9:27 pm | Posted in Benefits, Hearing, People, Recreation, Senses, Sight | Leave a comment
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Fight and flight.

Paintball will be a mixed bag for you, depending how well it’s run.

Receiving your gun will make you feel protected and powerful.

When you discover on the target range that your marksmanship is superior, you’ll feel even better.

In the training area, with the supervisors close at hand, you’ll derive great satisfaction from dispatching other humans with impunity.

In the skirmishes, your keen hearing will serve you well as you creep among the undergrowth.

The thrill of surprising and shooting your foe will be enormous.

Unfortunately, your enemy won’t take kindly to being bested and may blast you point blank in the chest.

You won’t know how to respond to this outrage. And the bruise and humiliation will sting for days.

In the major battle, you’ll enjoy being part of a team (for once).

This sense of comfort, however, will quickly dissipate as you realise that few on either side are playing by the rules.

When you get hit, you’ll dutifully trek to the time-out area.

Yet when you hit others, they’ll vanish back into the foliage and continue playing.

This anarchy will completely dispirit you and you’ll discharge your oversupply of paint balls (bought at great expense, with such enthusiasm and hope) at insects and trees.

😦

Brought to you by The Feisty Empire.

Clock

June 17, 2009 at 1:07 am | Posted in Benefits, Hearing, Humour, People, Senses, Treatment | Leave a comment
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A second opinion.

If your psychologist has more than one clock in his consulting room, your acute hearing will let you locate them all and report whether their ticking is out of sync.

Once you’ve spotted a clock on a desk or table, you’ll notice if it has been moved more than a few millimetres since your last counselling session.

These abilities may surprise and/or amuse your counsellor, according to his temperament.

If he laughs, he may subsequently look guilty for doing so.

You may wish to put him at ease.

🙂

Welcome

June 16, 2009 at 9:57 pm | Posted in Animals, Benefits, Body, Compulsions, Hearing, Humour, Interests, Mind, Nature, People, Recreation, School, Senses, Sight, Smell, Society, Taste, Threats, Touch, Treatment, Work | Leave a comment
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This blog is a device for collating personal experiences (mine and possibly yours) of Asperger syndrome. I plan to collect first and sort later, so brace yourself for randomness.

Though my symptoms cause me significant distress, I appreciate that yours (or those of the one/s you care for) may be much worse.

It’s therefore with humility and respect that I invite the views of those further along the spectrum. Any humour you detect in my posts is merely the other side of my particular coin.

I warmly welcome your input, which I may include in a book. While I claim the right to use anything you post, I won’t reveal your identity unless you want me to.

Should your contribution be significant, I’ll invite you to the book launch or send you a free, signed copy when it’s published.

This project was suggested by my psychologist. I wish to remain anonymous, at least until I find my feet and set down all the things that have affected me most.

While some of the impressions noted herein may be due to child abuse  or depression, we may yet discover that Asperger syndrome is the nucleus of my woes.

If you’re a publisher, I’d love to hear from you.

Thanks for visiting; come back soon!


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